he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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