Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm too high and old for this...
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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