We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
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He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
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I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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