I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize