can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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