Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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