ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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