I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The uberlube is also flammable
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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