Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.