If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.