This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i was born a porn star she said
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet