my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.