I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
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Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
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Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.