When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything