The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
