Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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