I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
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