I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
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Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
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Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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