i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
