I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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