she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
