If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
