you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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