She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
