I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
