I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
