You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
