I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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