I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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