Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Your tits are I can't wait for
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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