marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
