Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
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I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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