so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
