I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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