its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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