My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
