He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
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I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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