he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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