some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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