u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Randomize
