the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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