This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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