Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize