she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
