Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
