I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Randomize
