just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
