Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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