Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
