I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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