Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
