I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I stole a fireplace last night.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
