Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
birth control should be required to get into college
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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