this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
