physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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