Please, let me fuck your mom
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
